I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
Hey Peterpan,can you take me away with you to Neverland?
I love my panda so very much : D It's super super super cute. gah.Thank you guys,for everything,Tinghui and Richny.You know no matter how much we've drifted I love you guys all the same & as much as ever.I'm still here when you all need me,really.Will catch up this entire year worth of stuff after my O's! I've got alot of time to spare then teeheeee.Take care dears & good luck for EOY's! Much love. (:
Prelims finish tmr! YESSSSSSS. *jumps up and down in joy.
Okay yah,maybe not really over and everything ah -.- Think I'm going to see alot of red f9's.But FOR THE TIME BEING,I am going to play until saturday before prelim papers start coming back & all hell breaks loose o.0 I'm so not looking foward to O's in exactly a month time.Everything seems to be like going at very fast timing.Mmm.....it actually feels kind of wierd to be leaving TK and stuff.Oh well.
Been studying alot at coffeebean with nicole or abby at Paya Lebar.And eating alot of Subway's veggie delite! : D So generally im supposed to be quite a happy girl I guess.Feels kind of empty though....every minute,every second.You know you get the kind of feeling like...you're waiting for something but you have no idea what the hell you're waiting for kind of thing.Yeah I know it's damn stupid,don't say anything -.- Shssshhh. Okay nevermind I think the stress has really unhinged me.
Feeling very very dead at the moment.Major headache since Amaths paper2 in the afternoon.
& Sorry ah,Im not wild so I can't really stand "wild" people.
I think my 'disappearing' in a blink of an eye' technique has improved alot! Nicole you also right?!! HEH.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's only your shadow,leaving the room...
Arriving too late & leaving too soon.
I'm trying to get the memory of you out my head.
You're haunting me very badly.
This is killing me.
I can't get over the past we had.
& now that you're here waiting,
something that I've always wished,
I can't run back to you cos I think my feelings are fading.
The memory of us is the only thing that's holding me here.
Sorry,give me time.
Fear is really eating my insides hollow.
&I thought...Nevermind.
English prelims was shit,how in the world would I know why the parachute was named as an "Organism" ? Bloody hell.And "Pulsating" some more. Then comp topic one word "Bridges." WHY ON EARTH BRIDGES.Bridges WHAT. -.- I literally stunned at the paper for quite some time when I saw the topic gosh.
Yeah & apparently Sonia Yeo says that she thinks this paper is too easy for her standard.& She told us that this time prelim paper english has been lowered to a normal 0 level standard and if we don't find it easy we all deserve to be shot and then die.
BANG, die.
Haven't been sleeping for a few days...wasn't feeling well today so went home early from usual coffeebean studying.Was supposed to be with Nicole actually but I pangsehed her,Sorry girl ;/ Think I'm just lack of food & sleep,I don't know.Shrugs.Head still feels abit dizzy.
I miss Gerry Gan.& I miss doing film productions & I'm yearning to write,alot of ideas going through my head recently.But I can't.Prelims are here,here,here.And with 0's upcoming...I shouldn't. : (
This whole week of studying has been entirely at coffeebean.From morning 10 am until like evening or night sometimes.Either with Jillene,Nicole or Abby.Had a good long talk with Nicole at LJS the other day after we studied,been a long long longggg time ever since we had the misunderstanding fight & we just talked about everything like that,feels good (: I'm so broke this week that Jillene and Nicole had to treat me bread lol.Yeah bread fetish.I don't know why either don't ask me lol.I think the coffeebean young malay guy is very cute in the way he always pass by me & see me in outside food then say, "Eat and hide,okay?" Then give me the thumbs up sign & a smile.Damn funny.The other time he was like,"He very bossy.Irritating also." Referring to the manager.Rofl.I like the service there overall,friendly people. (: Except when they get a full house sometimes,studying people get chased to really small tables gah. Good coffee/tea + food. ^^ Sadly I don't have the money for it.& I found out alot of shocking things this week,it has been so happening wow.I can finally do relative velocity now btw tee heeee.
I'm online now and Alex just popped up a convo going "Hi!!!!!!!!!!" (Surprising he's even online,he's usually such a pig.) It's 2 plus am in the morning now for your info.
Madness.& apparently he was like,"Why never go out with all of us for the rogue assasin movie today?You very long never accompany us already you know."
...
Dude,my prelims re-begin on monday,yes?
& Now Weijia pops a convo with a smiley face and says "See you!" Then log offline.
...Ah?
What's wrong with the world tonight.
I have hilariously weird friends.
Okay I think I'm just too bored/fried from studying thats why I'm digressing abit.
____________________________________________________________________________________________
Wanzhuo : I'm really sorry we drifted so much & that I haven't been there for you at all to the extent I don't even know what's been going on in your life at all.I'll catch up with you again asap,I promise.I've been too busy with my studies & stuff when I should have paid at least a lil more attention/care,at least more than I do now.You know I love you all the same.Take care girl.
Tinghui & Richny,much misses!
Jingyi,rememberrrrrrrr k. You're the smart one.
With love. :D
&I thought...Nevermind.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Hopes & fears.
So if you have a minute why don't we go somewhere only we know.
You can hold my hand if you want to,
cos I want to hold yours too.
Things are fine this way.
Thank you.
&I thought...Nevermind.
I just want you to know who I am.
| Taurus - Your Love Profile |
 You tend to stick with relationships - through the good and the bad.You are a great listener and tend to give valuable advice.Cautious and careful, you never jump in recklessly... saving yourself from heartbreak. Your negative traits: Money is very important to you, so much so that it's a cause of arguments in relationships.If your lover isn't loyal or attentive enough to you, your eyes start to wander...You tend to keep things inside - so your partner may not know when or why you're upset. Your ideal partner: Is stable, serious, and ready to be committed to you.Is successful and able to provide you with the lifestyle you crave.A true romantic, who is willing to express their desire for your heart. Your dating style: Comfortable and traditional. You'd love to have a nice meal at a cozy restaurant. Your seduction style: Love comes first for you before you'd even think of intimacy.Traditional: you're not a cold fish - but you're not into kink either.Pleasing... you always make sure that your partner is having a good time. Tips for the future: Be willing to change your mind. Who you think is the love of your life may be very wrong for you.Try listening to your mate. While your stubborn streak is hard to break, sometimes your partner knows best.Lighten up! The first months of a relationship should be about fun, not intentions. Best color to attract mate: Pale blue Best day for a date: Friday |
Ha Ha. This is fucking hilarious.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just don't want to miss you tonight.
It's never easy to say goodbye.
&I thought...Nevermind.
Insides shaking.
I don't think I really want to go through it and know.
Thanks Abby,Mr Ng,Jingyi,Sebastian,Wanzhuo,Alex and Cynthia.
Much loves for all the concern and advice.
I'll put through.I have to.
It feels like a never ending race.
Competition is so strong.
&I thought...Nevermind.
And I know that I'll be leaving soon
My eyes are on you,they're on you
And you see that I can't stop shaking
No, I won't step back
but I'll look down to hide from your eyes
So I put my arms around you,around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you,they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me.
Time still exists.
Pretty strained and tired these few days.Lots of things happening in a blast at the same thing...and as much as I try not to think or bother about them,it's like this nagging thing that makes me very not at ease,hanging at the back of my mind subconsciously,weighing me down and making me feel really heavy,unhappy stressed kinda thing.
Apparently,my dear ah gong,Mr Goh Weijia is feeling extremely high and happy tonight for god knows what reason.I think I shall leave him to his hyper-ness cos he's confusing me with his ramblings and stuff.He really isn't making any sense -.- Crazy guy.
Prelims Prelims Prelims.In....uh,17 days more.Time really flies this year,it literally just zooms past.Or maybe not.But either way everything is like going at fast speeds now.And I wonder what's going to happen if I screw up O's gah.An unearthly thought. Oh well no pt worrying my guts out now.Just give it the best shot I guess.Shrugs.
Jingyi,Wanzhuo,Tinghui & Richny ----- Sorry I've been neglecting you all so much.Miss you guys hell lotsz,catch up soon alrighte! Love.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I said it's too late to apologize.
I didn't cry the day you moved away
I didn't think that I could feel this pain
Until I saw the stranger that was you.
Whatever happened to our innocence
And the something that you said about being friends?
I gotta get your memory out of my head
Would you catch me if I had to fall
Would you even find the time for that at all.
Time has taken back,
everything I thought we ever had.
I'm missing you,tonight.
No,who you used to be.
&I thought...Nevermind.
I guess we had our fair share of quarrels,bitching & stuff throughout this secondary school years.Primary school.....well.That's a different thing haha.Sec one we were fine,sec 2 was a bad year for us in the first half and then sec 3 was pretty bad at second half year and this year was fine except that minor thing about the script.Thinking back,half the time we quarrelled because I couldn't see and understand how much you cared for me,in your own way.I expected too much I guess and had felt neglected.Only after that whole cold war end of last year plus my "skipping" groups thing that I learned quite a few things about the world& people in general.
I do care about you alot and you're one of the few rare ones I would want to keep in contact like 20 years down the road (seems hard but yeah!) Haha.I can't thank you enough for the time you had put aside for me,how you always advised me (even though I'm still pretty stubborn). You know that confidence was one of the things I lacked of and when almost everyone believed I won't be able to do it,you didn't give up on me.& when I do fail,you'd still reassure me that things would be better when others start to whisper nasty stuff already.It's like just simple trust and the fact that we don't really have to talk about our feelings to understand what the other is feeling.Like....the mutual thing where we can tell when the other is not okay even without saying anything at all.Somtimes I feel like I'm not really sure of what you're going through maybe cos I'm covered by the pressure of my own stuff.
However I hope you know that I will and always have been,will be here for you.Whenever you need me,you know that you can talk to me anytime regardless whether you think I'm already under strain or not.Cos you know that I would feel better if you talked to me rather than you kept it to yourself,it would make me feel much worse.I'm sorry for all the times where you needed someone but cos I was too cropped up in my things as well to listen or be there.If some things are meant to be forgotten then let go.Don't brood over it k?I know its hard but you know you have to hold on.Either way,take care dear.It's the last lap already,& remember we've got taiwan shopping to look forward to plus sleepover at your house after O's! : D You may never believe it but you'll do fine I promise.You just think you won't do fine cos you're not studying as hard as some people are -.- But ah,don't you know that some people have a flair while some others don't?So,don't stress & take it easy.We're all in this together & I'll be just beside you all the way till the end of your hmt exam haha! (:
Geog test was okay today,actually I found the qns easy except that I really had no time to finish.I lost about.....i have no idea how many marks shit -.- Sigh ms yap is going to be disappointed again & I hate disappointing her.Oh,I think she & tan kee hoe's conversations & communication is super super superrrrrr cute & hilarious.The number of times I got embarassed o.0 Ah well.
The stupid school keeps holding us back until so late everyday now & english tmr until 4.30?!!! Which usually wednesdays we finish at 2 promptly.Wlao.& there is prelim A maths mock test on thursday which I dont want to think about,Urgh.
Wilberg is being funny now -.- Idiot lol.
__________________________________________________________________________
After all this time,I remember everything so clearly still.
23 stars,2nd July 06'.
Queensway,5th September 06'.
Butterflies& macs hot milo,13th October 06'.
Esplanade,6th January 07'.
Square2,April 29 07'.
Necklace,26th May 07'.
City hall,11th June 07'.
Aljunied,
17th June 07'.Just nothing more than strangers.
I'm sorry I was such a bitch that time,maybe I was too harsh to you.But I guess it was for a better cause.I have my reasons.
There was just too many reasons & obstacles hindering out way,that's why we couldn't work out.
Just so you know...you were the only guy after July 23 that I really cared about,deeper than you would ever think I would.
You've moved on now I can see that.
There's no pt for me to hold on anymore.
No wait,I guess I'm in no place to anyway,to even care for you as a friend.
There's nothing left between us.
...
Take care.
I guess I confused my feelings with the truth,
because I liked the view when there was me & you.
& now I'm just left with all the used to be's.
I miss you.
& sometimes,I would fall asleep only in hopes of dreaming to return to the time when I was your piority still.Only then,could the past memories flow back & I could disillusion myself even for a moment to make me feel better,that you're still here with me...to believe that you really cared.
&I thought...Nevermind.
archivesY
February 2005March 2005April 2005May 2005June 2005July 2005August 2005October 2005November 2005December 2005January 2006February 2006April 2006May 2006June 2006July 2006August 2006September 2006October 2006November 2006December 2006January 2007February 2007March 2007April 2007May 2007June 2007July 2007August 2007September 2007