I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
240205-
reality hit me again.
i go hurt again.
i cried again.
i wanna diie.
again.
i karnt believe tht yu tryin to deny all orf thix.
tht yu kept it from me.
yu've changed.
really.
i dun noe yu.
ehs,waiit.
i tink i never did yea`
yu caused me all the tears.
i karnt hate yu.
i karnt hate her.
i can only hate myself.
for lurvin someone i shouldnt bi lurvin anyways.
hmm.super sad today.en stressed.
eyes swollen.even thou after common tests.cried 4-5 hours last night.couldnt slp at all.guess i tonight osho cnt =/ chinis marks came out today.haiis.dun ask bout iit.dhen gort chinis remedial -.- by ah ber.haiis.almost fell aslp =x dhen after tht.dhen pulled weijia kor to take bus home with me.hahas.he teach me lots mans.hahas.dhen...just came home.en screwed my eyes again T.T
thanks to weijia kor for evrythiin.tink im indebted already =x
I LURVE YU SYJIAA!!!
-a beeg wet *smuarhs`to yuu-
for liftin my mood from zero to 100 ^_^
yu'll always be my super goodie frien worhs.
rmb bells?
jiingle__* xp hehes.
en thanks weijin kor for wanting to kill -.-
LOLS.
anw.
tym for my own thots.
nites ppl.
&I thought...Nevermind.
doesn't ask why.
cus i duno why too.
jush no reason.
thanks nicole,for lending me a shoulder to cry on.
thanks jasmine for listenin to all.
thanks wanfong for makin me lauf x))
thanks aby for understandin.
special thanks to weijin kor to life my mood urp after tht for the whole day ^_^
thanks to weijia kor for listenin too.
explain to yu guys later kays,syjia en gladys.
thanks for the concern thou ((:
en studies ish drivin me nuts.
i officially hate sci chem formulaes.
it suckkk =x
chinis ish makin me faint.burt hafta get good marks.cus orf ah ber. -hiiint hint-
history rawkk.heh hehs.so does lit.
geographii...gone case -shrugs-
the rest,okays bahhs.
imma tired.
cus orf 2.4 yesterday at p.e
after tests then blog kays.
tc peeps.
en good luck for tests to huever reads my blog ;))
&I thought...Nevermind.
okays.its a lil late.burt oh welllls...zzZzzzz`
hahas.new year lerhs.finally.hmm.okayys.gort a few dedications cumin urp yea`...
weijia kor;;lols!yu piggy =x hmm.best orf luck for yur 0`levels yeahs,noe its drivin yu crazayy burt hang on in there en it'll al bi over before yu even know it x)) btw,thanks for all the stuff en advice yea`yu've made me see things clearer sho thankies veh much.oh yea`find yur princess fast kays =x
naiyu;;hmm.yu've been too busy en we hardly tork now so yea`i dun think yu'll noe wart im gonna say burt jush wish yu luck with 0`levels en dhen thanks for whad happened last year.
shi fu;;ahaas!yu another one =/ hope yu do well in 0`levels kays.en oh yea`find yur dream gurl fast en jush wanna let yu know,yu'll always bi my shi fu yea`nothing's gona change tht x))
william kor;;ANOTHER ONE takin 0`levels.oh greatt.goodie luck for it en wish eternity with [herr] kays?ahahas.yu guys are so sweet.jush dun forget yur mei here kays.oh,en thanks for the advice yu've given me en wanting to bi there for me yea`
abygail dotti;;yos gurl!! =x hahas.hmm.i noe we've gort lots orf urps en down burt yea`yu'll always bi my trusted frien en yu know tht pretty well.
yennying dotti in law;;DORTS.dotti in law,yu had better treat my dotti well kays.wahaha.fyne.hmm.yu arhs,influence me with all those korean stuff.=/ now im addicted yea`btw.KANG DONGWON ish sho kewtt -daydreams- park han-byul ish honestly pretty kays.no objections worhs!thanks for listenin to me en my krap en oh yea`the beautiiful poster too x))
michelle grand dotti;;my beloved grand dotti huhs.ahahaas.yur NORT the only genius around kays.=x hmm.thanks for keeping my day bright always with yur lil smile en actions..en for being there for me when i needed yu x))
cynthia;;okays.yu hold most orf my secrets so yea`more than half orf the tym im always doubtin yu cus liek yur always pissed off so...nvms.burt stil friens yea`?
syjia chio-eyy;;wahahaas!MY chio-eyy x)) lolls.thanks for makin me smile too with yur sweet lil smile en krap.ahahas.friens fiurevahh!
gladys cutiie;;thix lil lil cuttie orf mine yea`thanks for wanting to be there for me kays.en im truly grateful for yur lil new year card tu,made me smile.hehes.
jolene;;ahahas!i jush lurve torkin to yu on the phone yea`can tork aburt ANITHIN. ;))
jasmine darhlyn;;yos gurl!yu always made me lauf non-stop with yur krap en tht attitude.attitude rawks yea`!wahahaas.yu rule mans lil'jassy. x))
nicole twiin;;hmm.yu've always been there for me liek fiurevahh?LOLS.yea`yu always wipe away my tears derhs.thankiies ((;
imee dearr;;heys dearr!-waves- hehs.hope we'll always stay thix way en yu know i'll always bi here for yu .thanks for listenin to me at times too.lurve ya for wart yu are cus yur 100% purely yurself which ish why yu make me smile x))
fiifi mei;;OMG.havent seen yu quite sum tym.burt yu've been dhere for me whether we're in the same sch or nort.mish the taiwah time yea`
samantha lao po;;hey heyys~pretty gurl now worhhs.sorry didnt meet urp on new year kays.we'll meet urp realllls s0on.i promise (((:
alicia;;allie!ahahas.yu arhs,dun blabber sho much =x
carina;;wahhhs.i miss torkin in chinis with yaas`hope yur doing well in hk yea`miss ya lots!
yi qin;;michelle!!b cum more sophiscated when i last saw yu worhhs.growin urp yea`wish yu luck in aussie!
weishoon di;;heys weishoon.hmmm.thanks for tryin to kip urp with my life en stuff.dun stress out sho much en c0ol it with soccer mans!leave sum tym for mE.=x hehes.
bro;;my dear dear beloved bro.thanks for helpin me think out solutions,nort mentionin yur attempt at match makin -glares- burt i believe yur jie dun need it en neither wants it.tc at nass yea`kip urp the bond x))
jinghan;;crazii gurl.scream so much evry mornin.chill mans gurll.yu always made me go -.-" with yur...eErhhs.craziiness =x
jasmine[nass];;havent seen yu reall long tym mans.since last sep?oh wellls.friens fiurevah
ediison;;sorry for sum orf the things i said.burt really,yu were hella getin on my nerves.yu know i'll always lurve yaas as a brother.so storp scarin me lerhs.thank yu veh much.
yu guys.tc lots okayys?keep in touch ;))
oh yea`
special thanks to laine,stacy en jen.lurve yu guys lots en i'll never forget the times we're always pigging out en attending night parties en all those wild stuff.sisters orf my s0ulll~hahas.
&I thought...Nevermind.
hmmm.todayy.super boring.mornin recieved news than the damn mr mohamad [cop] was gona check the whole level on handphones.shit him mans.i wish for him to go down the 8th hell =x he didn't even check!!en i was super worried,sho thix mornin i passed me en my frien's hp to shi fu first jush in case.anyways,thanks shi fu ;)) i stil hate mohamad.oh yea`dhen rytes.recess tym,had to teach the sec 1's how to do the ava thingy thing.dhen when i tork,they kip noddin en noddin.dhen when i say,"understand?" all orf dhem shake their head -.- LOLS.only after repeatin liek wart...3 times?dhen they liek half half understand >.< juniors ="x">.jush to let yu noe rytes,yur nort the only genius around here.*ahems hems* LOLS.sho there!kekes!
she was left alone to reach for her will to live.
she was cryin en no one came en save her.
she didn't noe wart to do,burt they just ignored.
she didn't want all to turn out liek thix.
she wanted to be the gurl hu's different.
hu's gona bi able to let go without any complains.
she was told to let her mind rule over her heart.
she was told to storp being herself.
en yoo noe hu's tht gurl?
tht gurl was -mE-.
&I thought...Nevermind.
en now i've lost him.
ish thix retribution?
he had me in his heart.
he made so many sacrfices just to see the smile on my face.
he was mine.
burt i was too blind.
to see tht i was his all along.
ish all gone again?
guess im too late once more.
thix ish the third tym i've lost my love.
i just wanna say im sorry.
i didn't mean to say those things i said tht night.
i wasnt thinkin straight.
yu were right to slap me.
i deserved it.
if slappin me 100 times more would make yu cum baq
by all means hit me til yu're happy.
for once,im gona make yu smile.
its nort gona bi the other way round as always.
i dun noe if i can ever turn baq time.
neither can i say tht i dun miss him.
burt i know one thing for sure.
im definately not gonna live without yu.
we grew urp together from the start.
yu had always been a part orf me.
can yu pls storp playin thix stupid game?
jush cum baq.
now.
&I thought...Nevermind.
now lemme think again wart i did yesterday.
oh yea`went out ryte after sch,dhen wait en wait en wait.super tiring wans >.<
dhen 9 plus cum baq here yeapps-
dhen...errrhs.torkin online..bleahs bleahhs.find blogskin,read fanfics...etc.dhen had a heart to heart chat with sum good friens.thanks for being there for me always yeahs x)) -winks- feel much better en errms.okayyys.i have short term memoryy burt i prob went to slp after tht ^_^
now gona do sumore ediitin.
btw,peggy!!!-s0bs- how could yuu?!! im sho hurtt` =x
hahas.
i shal storp being such a drama queen :))
its innocently_riotic@hotmail.com
en if yu forget it again.
yu might as well dun ever tork to me =x
*i sound sho evil*
waakkas.so yea`thts iit.
tc evrione!
&I thought...Nevermind.
archivesY
February 2005March 2005April 2005May 2005June 2005July 2005August 2005October 2005November 2005December 2005January 2006February 2006April 2006May 2006June 2006July 2006August 2006September 2006October 2006November 2006December 2006January 2007February 2007March 2007April 2007May 2007June 2007July 2007August 2007September 2007