I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
a damn miracle.
fast en quick.
or my years of practise will be gone.
anyway.yu.curse me all yu want.be nonchalant all yu want.yu still disguist me with her anyways.
speechless.
no words to describe this repressing feeling within me.
cries ;
let the tears just flow -
&I thought...Nevermind.
my happy ending; july 23
rah!honestly.im so pissed today.bitch fit again.a major one.i don't give a fcukin damn.if yu guys wna real bitch bout smth.why don't yu major beeg bitches just fcuk to a side en bitch all ya`wan.no one wants to here those pretty lil comments en stuff.its gettin on my nerves.really.don't test me.it'll not like im miss oh-so-patient lady.HA.tactless people.useless sluts.yu girls dun deserve any refinement.at all.
mm.good job imee,nicole,jo,shearen en mich(: en rizwan.my GOD,yu ROCKED totally.i mean like,definately.everybody loved ya mans! haha(: great one.im proud of yu lil junior`=) mmm.chinis oral had to wait so long.wths.but,i tink i absolutely ACED it.sky also right?(: guo lao shi was like "hen hao.ni ke yi zhou le." haha.this time oral rather easy actually =x en my maths.i got 60!! wahahahaa.should have gotten 64 but i got one careless mistake; but the method was correct so i only got 1 instead of 2 =x i realy improved.so aby.don't give up on me okay.weijia oso.en fearmax.meangirls.all yu people.to those hems*fcuk off really.i dont nd yur fake sympathy en congratulations.it DISGUISTS me the way yu people act.tsk.what girls can do.major drama queens.
en jo?yu were so hilarious en cute today(: HAHA =x
nicole; it'll be fine.concentrate next time en practise makes perfect okay!gambateh =)
shearen.yu rocked.so dun worry!
oh,hey karen(: yur smile is sweet!dun argue yups(: cus dhere's no denying it.heh!en im realy tryin super hard to treasure sec 2 life okay.i tink we're fated or smth >.<
oh todays's 29.mm.dun wna say.nothing much anyway.jus..tc (:
okay.tata-
&I thought...Nevermind.
we oh-so-miss ya.wow slut.
yur exceeding my expectations more en more by each moment.HA.
im hella impressed thou ;
you two can't.won't.will not bring US down xD
we won't lose ANY slp over yu two.
abygail tan!we're gona get thru it all(: <3>
oh,thanks to yu en sky for having faith in me for so long en never giving up yupps`
shi fu arhs,im glad i helped.im here alrightes.always(:
ohs,en thanks mingjiang again.i swear if yu tell anyone bout whard i tol yu tonight,im gona literally KILL yu x( en hi yehan(: i WAS glad to see yu okays!yup yups.
tmr's 29.
he told me dhat all this is a new chapter.
en dhat i should move on from the past.
en i agree.
but can i?really?totally?
maybe ; someday i just will.
&I thought...Nevermind.
mood lots better now(: going eat with aby later or smth.
oh,en talent search on friday again.
whoo!go imee!go nicole!go shearen!go michelle!bring it on!(:
rawk on jolene!(: yu rawkk at guitar.
you guys can do it yupp`
anyways.tata-
x/i believe in us =)
&I thought...Nevermind.
july 23 #11.45 pm
mm.im happy.its DHAT simple(:
oh.en 29?yu're out xD HAHA.
we are foreverrrr<33
unspoken words.
520.
&I thought...Nevermind.
regardless of what we were in the past.
the forgot all the close frienship;
you forgot it ALL.
im nothing to you now;
oh,so much less than a person you can call 'friend'
yur treatment used to hurt me
pierce me deep.
i never sayed anything;
i tried holding back what we had
but i failed.
you left,en never looked back.
we lost it;yu were the one who destroyed it.
i cant' say dhat you don't hurt me still
but im tellin yu this
jus 5% more,i'll be straight dammit over yu.
so keep up whard yur doing;stay FARAWAY from me.
pretend dhat i never existed;
en i would too do as i incline.
HA.he doesnt even noe im referin all this to him.
for this whole 7 months,he thought i was WAYY oh so over.
oh my,so insenstive.
but its okay,i noe your like dhat.i never minded.en i will never again too.im okay.i swore a year back dhat one day,i would move on totally from yu without memories;regrets or even any love or frienship.yu noe what?
i tink im reaching my goal.
let's just say the last goodbye in this life.
nothing would ever come back;
i don't love you anymore
whether yur a friend or the guy i used to fall head over heals with.
august 29;its bullshit to me.
i've only truely awoken...now.
you're NOTHING to me;
just like what i AM to you.
&I thought...Nevermind.
is it enough to breathe?
tell me something;show me REALITY.the whole truth.
dhats whard i REALLY want.
mm.im fine.thot i was realy gona get into a HUGE bitch fit ytd burt no i didnt(: burt i wasnt realy in a good mood.today...im jus quiet.
im thinkin bout the things she said.en i wonder if all the things she said bout him could actually be real.en some stuff she said bout my past,it just went straight pierce;en hurt me.real deeply.i feel so...broken.im so afraid of loving again.en when i see him now,i thought to myself,"could this be real?can we realy be together?" i mean like.yeas.anyway.lousy day today.chuangren's comin baq to sch today(: wonder if he cums with tungling.mm.they're so sweet(: mm.there's jus too much stuff to tork about.mixed feelings running through.
it HURTS.
its PAIN.
i cant shake off the memories.tell me whard can i do.
btw,im sorry yehan.i didnt noe the msges was meant for me.if yur still angry bout dhat; i cant do anything can i?ohs,en mingjiang,wish ya luck for settling dhat prob(: thanks for everything anyway.yu really helped.
lousy day.lousy self.feelin lousy.end of x ME.
tata ppl.tc lots(:
mis ya bgf!
&I thought...Nevermind.
RAHHS.!honestly.
i donte KARE.its none of my f*ckin buisness.so leave me OUT OF IT.
oh oh oh! en the harry potter book was so INFURIATING.
urghs.snape was the half blood prince.he killed dumbledore.HE was the damn traitor all along.what a well acted double faced huhs.mm.i stil gota give j.k rowling 4 and a half stars(:
mm.fine.im pmsing.end of story.HAHAHA.
&I thought...Nevermind.
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