I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
im tempted to...
its just so easy to just...
yes,maybe i will.
&I thought...Nevermind.
i never expected to end it this way.it had been three months even though the official was 3 weeks.sometimes i just dont know what i will do without your love.but i guess i gotta learn huh.
i'll miss the way you always smile at me.the way you hold my hand.the way you always assure me everything would be fine.the way you always call me lil princess.the way you miss me.the way you can always make me smile.the way you grumble bout stuff.your voice.your sweetness.the way you laugh at the things i do.the way you always miss me.mostly,i'll miss the way you loved me.
the hearts.
the glow in dark stars.
the walk in the rain.
honey.
charlie and the chocolate factory.
bugis elevator.
520.
i dont know when i can walk out of this pain.the day you fall for someone else,will be the day i really lost grip on you...and just let you go.i've been a horrible girlfriend.maybe im just not girlfriend material or suitable for attachment.someday,i'll walk out of everything.
august 29.hurt number one.
february 24.hurt number two.
august 13.pain.
cancel LOVE.
i died.
devoid of emotions.
its OVER.cries.
"haha.i enjoyed your bitter sweetness lil princess...its ok..but ans me...will you feel better if you leave me..?" i said,"yes i would.knowing that you wouldnt get hurt anymore.."
no i wouldnt.i lied ytd.i dont want you to get hurt anymore.you deserve someone much better...
"ok then my princess...this is the last time i will call you princess...i told myself before...i will not turn back and fall for the gals i like before but for you its an exception...my doors are always open..you can come any time you want...k...understand princess??last three words..i love ya.."
im sorry.really.wait for me.i'll be back.i promise.just hold on.i will turn back.i love you.
&I thought...Nevermind.
(Ooh,ooh,ooh, sweet love, yeah)
I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you so
I should have held on tight
I never should've let you go
I didn't know nothing
I was stupid, I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself
Cause I didn't know you
Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everything I never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, cause baby(We belong together)
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together
Who else am I gon' lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together
I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
saying to me"If you think you're lonely now"
Wait a minute This is too deep (too deep)
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
I only think of you
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart
I'm feeling all out of my element
throwing things, crying
Trying to figure out
Where the hell I went wrong
The pain reflected in this song
ain't even half of whatI'm feeling inside
I need you
Need you back in my life, baby
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together
Who else am I gon' lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh, baby baby, we belong together, baby
When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together
Who am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh baby, babyWe belong together
"Here i am." by marion raven.
I’ll protect you don’t be scared
No matter what I will be there
I’ll be gentle I’ll be light
These are the words you whispered in the night
Here I am
Here I am
Now I’m standing in the cold(everything is said and done)
Atomic winter in my soul(from the absence of the sun)
The only remedy I know
Is i got to let you go
Here I am
Here I am
But where were you when I was scared
A broken promise left me here
A post-it note is what I’ve got
It says ”I’m sorry” but I know you’re not
So Here I am
yeah
Here I am
Now I’m standing in the cold(everything is said and done)
Atomic winter in my soul(from the absence of the sun)
The only remedy I know
Is I got to let you go
Here I am
Here I am
There will come a day
when all of this is in my past
And there will come a day
when you’re out of my head at last
I’m not trying to fall
Damn it’s such a long way down
But here I am
Yeah yeah yeah
Now I’m standing in the cold(everything is said and done)
Atomic winter in my soul(from the absence of the sun)
The only remedy I know
Is I got to let you go
And now I’m standing in the cold(everything is said and done)
(From the absence of the sun)
The only remedy I know
Is I got to let you go
Here I am
Here I am
"Six feet under." by marion raven.
Six feet under, under my skin
There's a battle I know I can't win
You invade me and I surrender
Yeah, that's what I hate about you
Six feet under, under my skin
There is where your story begins
You were wanting, I was forsaken
Yeah
You came to me with words unspoken
I can't deny it, that I knew my glass would end up broken
(and that's how you got me)
I blame myself for being stupid
But I can't help it, yet I'm eating right out of your hand
And that's what I hate about you
Six feet under, touching my soul
From the moment we met, you I stole
You embraced me, and I believed you
Yeah
You came to me with words unspoken
I can't deny it, that I knew my glass would end up broken
(and that's how you got me)
I blame myself for being stupid
But I can't help it, yet I'm eating right out of your hand
That's what I hate about you
Hey, hey.
It's not that hard, just walk away
There's gotta be a different meaning
You came to me with words unspoken
I can't deny it, that I knew my glass would end up broken
(and that's how you got me)
I blame myself for being stupid
But I can't help it, yet I'm eating right out of your hand
(and that's how you got me)
Now's the time for my confession
Cause I can't take it, that you always be and always will be
Under my skin
yupp.dhat sumaries what im feeling.mm.
"ai wo hai shi ta." by david tao zhe.
"hui mie ai qing." by lin guan yin.
"jie tuo." by li jiu zhe
"bu de bu ai." by pan wei bo and xuan zi
"tian kong." by cai yi lin.
"sa si pi ya de tian fen." by lin jun jie.
mm.hearing these songs make me feel closer to myself.
what wrong with me anyways.
something cropped up again.
sighs.
as usual.
im so tired..
of everything.
&I thought...Nevermind.
i've yet to find out where i am placed.
i must confess,i still believe.
yet you hurt me with your words.
i though you understood me all along ; i trusted you.
but now i find.everything was just a LIE.
you were pretending all along.
you ripped my heart out.
you never made me feel like i was special.
but everything about you hurts me...hella deep.
its making me choke,the past.
&I thought...Nevermind.
when you said "im sorry." did you hear my heart cry?it left a deep scar there...
atomic winter in my soul.
devoid of emotions.
blinding hurt.
im becoming the girl i never wanted to be...
restrained.screams.cries.scratches.pleading.slash.get me out of here.please.
&I thought...Nevermind.
im soooo addicted to marion raven's song "here i am".its kinda like how i feel now.en listening to lots of korean songs by rain(: rain rocks! =x exp the song "i do" hahaa.
mm.i duno whats wrong with me.wake up weiru.he's right.29 gave you nothing but all this shit.29 left you.en...its all OVER.i know dhat you dont give a damn,en you dont know anything bout all this..but.sighhs.i cant help everything yeahs.
common tests are NEXT WEEK.did i just say next week?oh yes i did.(:
i think im kinda prepared lerhs bahs.mm.confidence!! im jus worried for science only.cus cher say very challenging >.<>
very tired.strained facades.fake smiles.hell.head's hurtin like crazy.depression.
on the verge of committing suicide.
nahs,im just kiddin.
wait,no.im not >.<
now im standing in the cold with tears running down...
..i lost count.but now..its stil 60 40.no change.sighhs.
the only remedy i know,is that i gotta let you go.
now i know,remembering hurts.
he,who moves on.she,who holds on.
that she,is me.
the past left a trace of blood along in my wake...
&I thought...Nevermind.
qi ji hai zhi de wo xiang xin ma?
zhe xie ba hen,shang he tong..xu yao yi dian shi jian lai ping heng.
ru guo fen shou shi wei yi dui wo men de jie tuo`...
lost somewhere in the midst of hurt ; bleeding badly.
confusion.inDENIAL!
" if its over,let it go." oh,if only it was dhat easy.
i need time.space.love.joy.
i must confess,im still waiting.yet half way away.
im looking back,over my shoulder.
things are getting hell out of control.
its only your shadow...
okay.what the hell is wrong with me.i dont know.im supposed to be happy.en i really was.now,i dont know.im badly in need of a psychiatrist.
today was fun.playing backstage was fun too(: but super tired.dhen walked in the rain with bgf all the way to paya lebar after the concert.haha.we were like at first lost at how to get to bugis.dhen we got wet =x but it was nice anyway.mm.dhen go bugis.we thot we were super early but oh no,some people were ALREADY there >.< dhen haf lunch.dhen saw jolene.en erms.a few seniors.dhen watch charlie en chocolate factory xD it ROCKED.johnny depp was so sacrastic.hilarious.mm.loved it anyways.its cute(: dhen erms.nvms.skip skip skip.dhen go buy stars.glow super bright.reminds me of shining stars.which...arhs.nvm.dhen i went for tutor.dhen bgf went to marina bay carnival with his friends.dhen...yupp.was really happy dhen.
its 60 40 now.wth.this is getting crazy.
who's the one im waiting for.
&I thought...Nevermind.
im hella hurting deep down inside.real badly.
its cutting right through my heart.
im so afraid of going back to square one.really.i worked hard,tortured myself,forced myself to get myself here; away from the hurt,him.now its all coming back.its august.its nearin august 29.those memoriies are jus flowing baq rapidly again.wherever i go,i see myself pass by him once before in the past.when i stare at my handphone reading through msgs,i see his msgs last year even thou we havent been talkin for months.people around me reminds me of him.the school reminds me of him.this computer reminds me of him even.everything in my life is associated with him.the friends i mix with; the people i know.everyone.even HE reminds me of him.the places i go in sch,i just see visions.i remember it all.what's wrong with me.this ain't right.its not the way it should be.i should be happy;smiling.im the girl who's got it all.why am i like this?i worked hard to get myself out of the pain,the torture,the mess.now im jus like a helpless lil kid;defenceless and fallin back like crazy.
everything in my life reminds me of him.no one realy knows how bad im hurting.i dont know how to say either.its just..unbearable.to him in the past; i was just a girl who was helplessly in love with him.a girl to keep him company when he was bored.a girl who he could tell everyone en say "oh,she likes me." a girl who's there for him always.a girl who would do it all for him.
don't tell me dhat its over dammit,29.you tink it is,but its not.you keep hurting me.cus you never really ended evrything.we never talked it out.its just so like you isnt it,running away from things you're afraid to deal with.oh,like everything would be okay if ya run away.its not.superficially now to you,it is.cus i never said anything.you think im long,way over you.you forgot everything.im less than a friend to you.im just a nobody on your list.perhaps a person you simply know.no.the truth is.to you now,im simply your best friend's girlfriend.
you ripped my heart out en left me there to bleed.
bgf.i dont know what i can do,to make up everything.the love is still there.but im pressed,choking with all the past.im too complicated.i want simplicity;but i cant get it.i know you want to be there for me and everything but...its far too negative for you.i really want to hold on; i don't wanna ever let go.i know staying with you is the right thing,but somehow my heart is half tellin me to do the wrong thing,to return to the past.
29,you stabbed me to death.
23,i still love you.
im dying.repressed.choking.screaming.yelling.depressed.cries.tears flowing.trembling.shaking.tired of all.bleeding.afraid.phobia.falling.
its 50 50 now.i cant help the way i feel.shit.
&I thought...Nevermind.
mm.depressed.bottled up.insecurity.disconnected
black.white.black.white.red.nothing.
the day we seperate will dhen be the day i return the other half of yur heart back.
where did i go right.how did i get you?
if this is it,dhen maybe...jus maybe we're better off as best friens.
maybe im jus crazy ; but maybe im jus too alone.
guardian angel.
oh,i've got another confession to make.im your fool.
i dont want to let yu go.
but realy; is this it?
end of illusions.island of dreams.bottled fantasy.
&I thought...Nevermind.
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