&It feels like I've been running all my life.

I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.

...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.

abby is currently RETARDEDLY GOING GAGA over that cedric diggory guy in the movie.you can hear her voice each time he appears and she'd be gushing like a lovesick retard.zzzzzz' ytd,we,referring to me,abby,donna,jo,plus a few of jo's friends,rachel,serena..etc. went to k box at parkway.all of us sang at the top of our lungs,and we were jumping/dancing like mad women on the sofa.yes,imagine that scene.we even danced tango. =x we were so HIGH.and it was super fun! i havent laughed and played around so much since..i dunno when.i sure made a good choice coming out with them.(: en they all ah.keep watching wang li hong video.just watching HIM and swooning. o.0 jo wore those kinda high class long skirt.she looked soooo nice!& out of her nature lah.HEH.but it was a nice change in a way.donna looked like she was from mafia.ROFL.da jie da.rachel was really nice.(: oh,then we went TM to watch harry potter.me,jasmine,abby,donna and 7 other guys.uhh,yu heard me.7 guys -4girls.like,HUH.plus,i dunno any of them.okay lah,maybe one or two i do know.no no,i know most of them.but either only by face,or just heard before.but anyway.it turned out okay.most,i think actually all of them,were ncc land.i didnt join the rest for dinner though.was too tired.plus mood swing.harry potter is the worst among the four episodes,and the worst movie i've seen in these recent years.really.im not kiddin'.eh,MIKE NEWELL. ( did i get his name correctly?ah,whatever. ) please lah.this is HARRY POTTER.INTERNATIONAL,dammit.everyone,exp the people who read the book a thousand times and can memorise out the whole book word by word,namely ME,will have high expectations.but it was SO disappointing.i have to rate it 2 outta 5.firstly,lousy linking between scenes.VERY lousy editing of story.lousy replace actor for dumbledore.& why katie leung as cho chang!! x( growl.some camera angles didnt feel quite right either.the actor for professor moody wasnt very good at the end.ah,maybe im just to demanding.but it was really really REALLY sooo,i cant describe my feeling after the movie.i almost fell asleep at one part even.it was..well.close to boring.but it had a few funny parts though.but STILL.sighh.heard the fifth movie would be worse.DOUBLE SIGHH. =/

im drained of energy.this damned love.you can go now.im letting you.dont get held back by me or july 23 06'.seriously.go do what you want.be with whoever you want.let anyone take my place as xmm or whatever.seriously.i dont have to care.i dont have a reason too.oh no,wait.i shouldnt be saying this.im in the wrong.from the start,it was all a mistake.maybe the lord has a better plan for both of us.it was just a game.a hardcore habit game.forget about the tears shed,the blood dripping,the hurt piercing.throw everything away,burn it all.you can do it right ; so i will too.someday.
i was never like this.i never felt so insecure,so lost,so empty inside,ever before in my life.i always could find my way,be the girl i want and potray myself to be.but no,you had to tear that all away and expose my real self.the lost,pathetic little girl i am.uhh.thats very nice of you.
im living PERFECTLY WELL.without you being by my side helping,catching me,encouraging me,motivating&everything single thing you did to my life.

now,thats a nice illusion of your living style right now,weiru. ( mumbles )

or maybe you're just like me.living under a facade each day.smiling&moving on.but there's a nagging doubt in me,that even if you are,not all of you is under a facade.which shows; you've done it.
i still have the letter....
no matter how much i want to burn everything ; i cant do it.
fcuk the courage.
scream'

&I thought...Nevermind.

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