I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
its not working.
scream.scream.scream.then stop.slid down.cry until you bleed&die.
i dont get it.why must every,EVERY single person i care for is walking out of my life slowly,one by one?shit.im like sitting here alone,like some fool,with no one around me anymore.family.they were the FIRST to "oh-so-eager" run away.then friends,slowly.29 did.now him too.then now.the music i had left,is like tip-toeing out of my life,afraid i find "her"& try to pull "her" back.FINE.go away.all of you.i dont want ANY of it.i would be so much better living alone in this stupid,STUPID world.HAPPY?satisfiying isnt it.to see me broken down into pieces,with nothing left.hahahaha.fine.go ahead,point,smirk,laugh for all you want.i dont care anymore.really.im sick&tired of all this bullshit.damned right,sick&tired of trying to keep up with the outside world.now,im just shutting myself in this pathetic lil' puny room.okay?is everyone happy now?yeah.cus i sure am at the fucking highest point of my life..ha.(:
dont try tell me its okay and stuff.
i had enough.
just leave me alone.
thats what everyone is best at doing,isnt it?
yeah.so save your innocent smiles and superficial concern.
thank you.
the only one real time i said i was over him,you didnt believe,oh,JOY.
stupid past.throw throw throw.stupid music.uhh.that,just burn it all away LAH.
the sight,or very thought of piano or music ever again makes me really sick.
hearing the words,make me want to murder someone.
im a marked person,to be destroyed.
yeah,process of destruction now.
but im partying in hell like no one's buisness.
im getting out of here.
fast.before i get out of control.
&when i do.
i cant vouch for what i'll do.
ooh,that'd be interesting.
&I thought...Nevermind.
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