I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
went to watch the memoirs of a geisha with mitchell on wednesday night.it screened free premier one week early at cineleisure.so yeah.it was cool. xD i loved it.then mitchell went home after the movie though he was unwilling to leave me there alone.LOL.i stayed at orchard after the movie jst walked arnd a bit in the rain then went home.reached home bout 12 plus i guess.then..erh.ytd had tuition with teng.stupid idiot lah he.irritate me whole lesson as usual. =/ auntie was laughing at us.zzzzz.oh yeah.then tuesday had lesson with sunny.sunny wasnt in a good mood cus of ice,but then halfway into the lesson,we all started to laugh and joke.cus we were discussing auntie's love life! ROFL.super funny okaye.seriously.even sunny laughed so hard until he fell off the chair.i did my stupid horse laughter again.HEH.was s'posed to go out with sunny,kay,mook and kwan on that day after tuition but i had piano.so yeah.but going out with sunny,brian,mook and kwan on this sunday though.(: nvr hang out with them for very long lerh.mm.later got british council again.meeting mitchell early for lunch/dinner.he hates cher' carver.zzzzzz' cher carver's handwriting is CUTEEE though.HAHA. =x
happy belated birthday to MINGJIANG!(:
oh,& happy birthday to ABBY! xD
mingjiang was ytd and abby is today,today! i owe you two a present yeah.anyways.wish both of you the best into this year yupp!
you're not him.you're the the goh weijia i loved.the july 23 i loved.im still hurting.i still tremble & falter at the mention or sight of you.i still cry.im unlike you,who's moved on,healed & reborn.i know you hate yourself for loving me before,for being weak for me.im sorry i caused you all the pain.all the fault,is mine.you gave me the best i could ever had.& i really loved you.im glad you're living your life well now,without me...from now on.we're no more than strangers.so what becomes of me,is none of your concern.whether i die,suicide...or gravely sick.its none of your fault or concern.its jst my own for not letting you go.for stressing myself.for...making myself ill under the happy hyperactive facades.the pain im going through is smth like hell.im jst like a lost lil child,scarred too badly to be healed.crippled already.SCREAM' break down.those ytd feelings...arent' lost in time.i'll take it to the last that i can.when i finally reach my limit....im sorry to leave here forever.please understand,that i had to let you go with no choice...
&I thought...Nevermind.
&I thought...Nevermind.
anyways.havent been blogging yeah.mm.
sch started.form cher is MR VINCENT TAN.my hp got confiscated by him ytd.he refuse to give me back till monday when uncle comes down to take.wth.besides,i only made an urgent phone call during recess.ah whatever.i dont give a fcuk.then im in english AG2A.ms puja =/ chem cher is mr tan kee hoe.he's hilarious lah.but the thing is,in the whole class,he knows me.once he read out my name and look at me then he's like "OHH.you."then give me that look.shit?yeah.perfect shit.A maths cher is ms ada tan.im going to die this year.seriously.tan kee hoe and ms ada tan.hello?the rest of the chers cant really rmb.
today's cca recruitment was stupid.i shouldnt have went at all.i didnt want to.but i HAD to.as the whole club claimed that i was the BEST speaker to speak to parents.cus i know EVERYTHING about ava and can ans whatever questions they shoot me.& they say im the only one who can keep smiling and the most friendly one.yeah right.bullshit.they're jst making things worse for me.one parent even asked me to comment on ncc land and sea.then ask me which one better cus her son wanna join one of them.then i said sea,and explained hell lots of things to her.she seemed satisfied.oh well,she jst asked the wrng person.
im still praying like hell for sunny.giving the sch half a year.before sunny breaks down too.he's been crying alot.and im like,sigh.i cant help my friend and i feel bad when i see him.stupid stupid sch.
im so tired.i want to crash myself across the road.i should have stayed in the middle of the road jst now and not budge.that car confirm hit me.then i wont rmbr.i hate crying yet thats the thing i keep doing.it was raining today.not heavy rain though.walking in the rain was nice enough.walking endlessly,tired,wet.lost.thats like how im feeling.smth inside me snapped jst now and i jst...broke.cried.fell onto the ground.cry.empty.im losing myself.losing control of who i am.if i had known it would be so hard for me,i would jst be selfish¬ let you go.jst keep you tightly by me.i shouldnt have been thinking to let you go jst b cus you're in JC where many other girls would die to have a chance with you.i jst thought that i had you for too long.maybe it was time for me to let go.but anyway.i guess you've moved on already.you didnt even bother a glance at me.ha ha.oh well.it doesnt matter,does it.as long you're happy,i shouldnt be complaining.even if i had to suffer,i should suffer alone.thats retribution.my facades are the thickest...when you're arnd.i smile&smile.jump arnd,act happy,talk to many many people and stuff.its jst part of a tiring act i practised many many times....one more thing.i thought cutting oneself was super fast and easy?but why is it so hard in real life ah?.....
&I thought...Nevermind.
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