I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
my friends are distancing & i dont know whats the deal?
maybe we're all jst too damned busy.
im so screwed up this year,i seriously cant comprehend anything.
the rumours people are talking about.BULLSHIT.jst fcuk off lah.i dont give a damn; i dont care.i nvr imagined you people to be so...fake?nah.maybe not the right word,but nvm.maybe i underestimated you all i guess.ha ha.
it hurts so much.things are different without you around.its like,i still have flashes of you when i do the things i do daily as before when you were arnd.like when i cross the road,im always so clumsy & somehow or another would almost end up colliding with the car.when im walking also.keep bumping into something.if you were arnd,you would have pulled me back & chided me for being so blur.the simple lil things that make me rmbr & smile.the simple small sweet things that keep making me try for us.if i could,why not you?i dont get it.why didnt you jst have enough faith in me when i said i would solve everything?you know i hate it when you worry cus i would worry for you double.there's alot of things that you did that has already become a habit in my life.many many things.i jst keep rmbring,the memories keep coming back,& yeah.i cant get away from them.they're bittersweet.the bitter ones somehow made me cling on too.cus the bitterness reminds me all the stuff we've been through.the sweetness was short,yeah but it was long lasting.i dont what you're thinking now anymore.im not even sure if i have a place in your heart.why cant you jst trust me,trust what we had,instead of feeling sick & tired always of doubting,guessing & stuff.i really really told you to trust me,you said okay.from the start,you promised no matter what,you're not going to let me go.look what happened.this is it?you jst let go so lightly,worse than the previous times.you keep thinking that you're jst so tired.why dont you stop & think about ME for a moment.i trying for US,& when its solved,you jst say you're too tired & want to let go,that you're not the one.i literally died,changed overnight.changed into someone much much worse.changed into someone who didnt care what she was doing at all.think about it.stop saying sorry.i just want to be there for you,to care,to assure you that all's fine.why cant you jst..have faith in me for once.....july 23.
&I thought...Nevermind.
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