I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
to HER: i know you really want to care,but you're jst too busy to care.you have your problems & im sorry for being oblivious to them.i jst want to say,its okay that we drifted apart,alot.as long as you're happy & know that i'll be here whenever you need someone,nothing really matters.im fine with it.
to her: i hope you know how hurting sometimes your actions are.you dont know how hypocrital you actually are.maybe its jst me,but...thats my honest opinion.its scary how i used to trust you so much.who are you,really.
to her: well.we're not really close.we hardly talk.i know nothing bout whats happening in your life always.but i hope you know im always here for you.& i really wish that you would be happy.
to her: ...whatever.i dont care.
to her: please know that you cant only depend on love in your life.you have friends,& please dont put love over friends.even if you're in a relationship,doesnt give you an excuse to drift away from your friends.dont forget what they've done for you,& all those times.
to her: stay this way.
to her,her,her,him: oh YES.we'll be leaving here this june,yeah?(: finally.
to him: im sorry for all the hurt i caused,but its jst not possible.
to him & him: hope you two are okay & keep in touch often alrighte,though im not always going tuition!
to him,him,him,him&him: you guys will be alrighte & lets all not drift apart.besides the fact that i probaly would die early thanks to you guys. -.- good luck in ah ber's class.HEH.
to her: i know you miss me alot & i miss you too!(:
to him: im glad we're past all those & are jst good friends now.
to the british council people: i love fridays. xD laughing gas!
to my pri sch friens: i miss you people,hell lot.dammit.
to her: thanks for the talk,it helped alot.(:
to her & him: sorry to let you two keep worrying about me.happy together,both of you!
to him & him: thanks for ALL the support & help so far.filming!
yup,thats all i rmbr for now.
to 23,there's jst too much to say.too much that i cant say.it cant be expressed,only felt.i dont know how we've become like...this.
i miss you.all this is too much for me to take.its like a sudden drastic change.i'm trying very hard,really.
to the rest of the people i know: im facing the reality that i will nvr evr be fine again.its not jst a small nightmare.ithe scar will always be there.memories haunting,every moment.ts smth...that really really i cant express it.but it made a huge impact.i've changed,again.from sec 1 to sec 2,once,august 29.now,again.but worse.i dont think i have much of a life left anymore.my thinking,opinions changed so much.the things i like..bleah blah,changed totally.i dont know who i am anymore.im not always okay as i seem.i smile,but how much pain/tears/breakdowns had happened behind all of it.its jst a strong exterior.alot of people are leaving me due to my emoness/depression.well,i cant stop you.but i really hope you guys are okay still.i dont want other people to get affected by me.but sometimes,i really need someone,to talk to,a shoulder to cry on,a big hug.i need someone by me now,to go through this period of rough time.but i guess,there's no one.i have only myself,to depend on.its okay.i'll jst try to survive without you,you,you&....alot of you all.yupp.
night everyone.
&I thought...Nevermind.
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