I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
then,had tuition all the way.then about 5 met michelle to buy her & cynthia's bubble tea before we made out way towards tuition.mr ng makes me understand function graphs,FINALLY.oh,thank GOD.im left with indices,surds & logarithms.which is...alot.but mr ng promised to make me pass in mid year for A maths.whoo!(: he's good.yeah.mm.some girls say i look like some hongkong actress -.- lol.saw kianhong today! stupid senior.its been one year plus.you've turned blacker.must be band right.tsk tsk x( band madness.thanks for keeping me entertained & being concerned for me always.
yesterday.had tuition.then there was a heavy downpour.went to walk in the rain at the beach,as usual.i love the rain.it numbs everything,momentarily.im suffering from a 39.2 degrees fever now since ytd.fuck,im so useless.i didnt get striked my lightning,but got a stupid fever again.but having fever & studying very hard makes me happy.cus there's pleasure,in not resting,& inflicting self torture.
to that person: thanks & sorry,for making you so worried,that you ran out to find me in the rain at the beach.i guess you had the instinct i would be there when you phoned her & found that i left the tuition centre when the rain started.thanks,for your shoulder,lending me to cry in the rain.i know how worried you were,that i would do stupid stuff or smth would happen to me.thanks,for the slap you gave me yesterday,in an effort to wake me up.you screamed at me,saying i was stupid & everything.well...im sorry.its,jst...too late for anything.im dead,already.still,thanks for everything.for the past one month or so i've known you.even though we knew each other a short time only,you were like my elder brother,who cared for me so much.you shared my pain,tears...everything.thank you,for your help & assurance.
boonhao,happy birthday! ^^ & thanks,for listening today.
>tan weiru zoe-ann.what the fuck are you doing to yourself.stop it,NOW.you'll die at this rate.dont forget those words.you know you'll die at this rate,if you contd all the stuff you're not supposed to.dont forget how mum...is that what you really want,death?
-yes,thats what i really want.
&I thought...Nevermind.
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