I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
abby; hey girl.we had our ups & downs & i've known you for ages since pri sch.i know...there's still some mistrust between us but,well.anyway.i jst wanna say you were the best friend i ever had,i swear.i really care for you alot,no matter what.so...just take very good care of yourself.if you ever nd me,well.find me on msn okay.(: some words i jst dont know how to say,to explain the kind of love(friendship) between us but,oh well,you get my pt.
nicole; ayeeee woman!(: mm.i'll admit i was pretty pissed off with you when you were showing me attitude for those few weeks.why?cus i really really cared for you & had no idea why you'd done that.it was completely w/o reason & it caught me off guard.i dont like that feeling =/ sorry.now,i've got an idea why you've done that ( dont ask me how i know,i jst do ),but anyways.jst trust me.you are a friend i really care alot for & one of the friends i would definitely on first basis turn to when i need someone to talk to.somehow,i jst dont really do that cus i dont know how to,but i swear,you're the first few i thought of.we arent' very close,we dont really talk.we jst laugh,joke & stuff but i guess i'll be content with that.you've been a great friend to me in many ways still.thanks for the times in sec one.do take alot of care & be more blunt next time,it would be much better than keeping everything inside yeah.people would feel better,you would too : D
imee; my dear imee.we're not very close,i gotta say that.but...you know that i care for you alot right?always when i have a problem,i know i can turn to you & you'd listen to me & give the best advice.you're one of the greatest & most trusted friends i have.i know i can trust you to listen & know my feelings.somehow,i jst know you'd understand how im feeling sometimes,& im so grateful for that.thanks for alot of stuff,imee.really.i really really appreciate it.(:
donna; donna donna donna.i know due to some stuff he said,which made you think i hated you.i swear,NOOOO i dont.admittedly,i get pissed off sometimes over some very very trivial matters.but i dont hate you,& wont.we've known each other a long way,since pri sch with phy & the rest of the others.we've got a long history,donna(: haha.actually,you know me pretty well.but we're jst not close.but i like your bluntness,your frankess to say everything.like that time,when she truthfully say the problem it was with me.harsh it was,but it waked me up.i need that wake up call.thanks for that,donna.maybe i wasnt the person who was there when you needed someone.but trust me,you're a good friend to me & i really wish for us to be closer.if im back,i hope we'll be better friends(: i truely understand how you feel sometimes,when i read your blog.i jst feel it,i know how sucky it is.but...you gotta be strong :]
shearen; we hardly talk outside sch.in fact,almost never.in sch,almost never as well.mm.but you're one very nice girl,i swear.(: some antics of yours really make me laugh.sometimes,i know you're worried about me but you jst dont say anything.well,thanks.for at least being concerned.take care,girl.
josephine; yooooo jo!you are one hilarious woman. =x ahaaaa.sometimes we can jst stare each other & start bursting out in laughter non stop.at times when you ask me if im okay with that smile,i'd smile back & say yeah,im fine.you're concerned,thanks for that. (: you make my day,jo.LOL.with all those...actions & hyper-ism/suaning.heh heh.
23; its time for the truth talking here.the truth is?im not over you.i wanted to be there for you as a friend,for things to be okay between us again,so yeah.im sorry,i lied a little.im very very,sorry.it hurts but im happy you're telling me stuff now,not like the previous months where we're like complete strangers,& im desperately searching for that friendship to go on.its hard you know.in the past,each time something goes wrng between us,i go down down down.....i dont see anything,i forget everything,i forsake everyone around me & jst lock myself up in memories.you you you.it was all about you in me at that time.but no,thats not going to be the case anymore.its plain stupid of me to be like,being around you all the time,yet i know you're very into her already.i've seen it for myself,i know there's definitely no turning back.there's no many mistakes to count,missed chances.i dont know what to say.i plunge deep down,locked in a dark pit away from the world,cos of you.i forget every single thing.its like,you're hallucinating me or smth,& it freaks me out.until now,im still like that,but i've learned to cope better with it.i dont think its worth it when i do that cus i'll be forsaking the people who really cares & loves me.in the past,i kept grumbling,kept thinking why they treated me this way,like im an outcast & stuff.truth is?i treated THEM as an outcast in my life at that time,when i was so lost in the pain.i blocked them out,ignored them,showed tempers,throw trantums,anti social,dont care them,cold stares,what the fuck tempers & all these stupid childish stuff.i am so guilty of that.its time i snapped out of it & get a life of my own,without you.yes,a life without you completely.a life where you never entered or before all those 29 stuff happened,where i was still a lil happy smiling girl.yes,im going to start living from there right now.i had enough,i think im already stupid enough,i've made enough dumb mistakes,i've given up too many things,hurt too many people for you & no way im going to let that happen again.im stil bleeding badly,but who cares.it'll stop bleeding someday,like how i'll breathe again...someday.i know i will walk out of everything.
29; you ah.i've got nothing to say actually.i've stopped hating you or anything.maybe i still miss you being by my side as a very good friend.you made a big change in my life,made a starting pt which made me so reliant on you.well,i've walken out of that phase.good luck to you & her : D
shi fu; we lost contact now.totally.you mean alot to me & you'll always be my shifu no matter what.thanks for the time where you got through with me that very very very hard period after 29.you taught me how to stand up,how to open myself up again.i still rmbr all your advice.thanks,for everything you've ever done.im indebted.
the two of you; well.i hope you two treasure your friendship okay.i might be gone so yeah.no more misunderstandings?both of you did alot for me.i appreciate every thing.thank you thank you THANK YOU : D one,for that secure feeling.another,for showing me how to breathe,even if its only for a very short moment.thanks for everything,i swear,you two wont be forgotten.keep in touch!(: see you guys back in our home country.heh.for the rest of the group,i cant express how grateful.for making me feel so home. :]
brian & sunny & teng; aiyah.you all know already right?thanks,eternally.for the never ending help,concern & advice you guys have given.
well,there's alot of other people.but those people...i guess i'll tell them personally.anyway.i love all of you guys.i swear i do.i appreciate what everyone has ever done for me,& im sorry for being so stupid & depressed for so long.i think it lasted over a very long period of time,all those emo shit.im so so so sorry.its not going to be like that anymore,i've grown UP! haha.anyways.take care people.i'll be missing in action for a a few days,if not,for a long long long long time.keep contact through msn though.leaving on friday night.should be coming back in 5 days time.if not....well.no idea when i'll ever come back.take care everyone. <333333 i'll rmbr all the times.thanks to the usuals in sch & the china grp & my primary sch friends.
&I thought...Nevermind.
archivesY
February 2005March 2005April 2005May 2005June 2005July 2005August 2005October 2005November 2005December 2005January 2006February 2006April 2006May 2006June 2006July 2006August 2006September 2006October 2006November 2006December 2006January 2007February 2007March 2007April 2007May 2007June 2007July 2007August 2007September 2007