I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
broke down.
keep on crying,screaming,scratching everything,throwing,lashing out.
cant stop attempting suicide.
laugh people.LAUGH.
im in one big mess of shit.
i cant achieve anything,ANYTHING like this.
what the hell am i now.
why am i so binded by the past.
WHY CANT I JST FORGET & LET HIM GO ONCE & FOR ALL.
why does him & EVERY PIECE OF THE FREAKING PAST KEEP HAUNTING ME EVERY SECOND.
im tired.do you hear me,God?im TIRED.
of all the stupid tryings to get on with life,pretence,all of it.
if you enjoy toturing me,i suggest jst let me kill mysellf,cut myself clean once & for all.
fuck fuck FUCK.
im losing my sanity.
i swear,i cant/not feel anything.
oh,fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK.
&I thought...Nevermind.