I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
the hotel room now feels like heaven.
im feeling like shit.i swear i can jst go mad & kill myself anytime.fuck,im getting insane,im out of my mind totally.
why is that no one give a damn bout my existence?
why is it that no one CARES/BOTHERS ever,bout how im feeling.
WHY the fuck is it that i dont matter at all?
why doesnt anyone actually worry bout me.
& lastly,why am i like,thrown away?like an old rubbish,dirt.fuck fuck fuck.
im tired of living my life like this.
right now,im feeling like a broken doll.
someone who lost everything,jst due to a small flaw.
someone who's future is totally,DESTROYED due to THAT small flaw.
& now im jst worthless.tossed away cus of that flaw,like rubbish,like a mere DIRT being flicked off.
to anyone who CARES that im ALIVE,im going back to sg on the 16th.its the earliest plane flight i can find for me.should be arriving in the late afternoon (sg time).yes,im COMING BACK.to those who hate me,start cursing why im not staying in vienna & start wishing i would die on the way back.for those who care,well,yupp!i'll be back : D i have to,now,under these circumstances.im missing some people badly,so yeah,i'll be seeing a few of you really soonnn! i have to come back.oh,nicole,i'll be back in time for your b'day afterall(: & for fii you all,the 17th date. ^^ Vienna has been the greatest,the best thing happened to me.i swear,i'll be missing it loads.but there's no pt in me staying here anymore.soooo....yup,im back to being a regular studying normal subjects student.ha ha.
good bye,vienna/austria.
good bye grand hilton hotel. (:
good bye all the vienna food.
good bye to all the museums & schools.
sigh.
THANKS,elaine & ali for helping me alot here,following me all the way from italy where there,it was winter & here summer.all the temp changes,the different directions.thanks for everything yupp.elaine,rmbr what i said.take care alrighte,dont worry. <33333 i'll try to come over to italy whenever i can okay.
> i swear,i will let go of him & everything else.i have to,HAVE TO.
&I thought...Nevermind.
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