I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
we talked/gossiped alot along the way & had a feast in the cinema.lemon teas,cotton candy,peanuts,gummies& cup corn! i bought a jacket for phy,as she was so cold,&she went,"omg,weiru,im so touched,i swear!" LOL.then we headed over to pw to walk abit as phy & alicia had smth around there.pris had to go home first =/ so i walked around pw,all of a sudden it seems unfamiliar to me already.met vera &yiguan at chameleon.yiguan looked surprised &we talked a bit.heh.then headed over for dinner with the china people at ECP,last minute thing.&SOMEONE,a certain AH GONG cancelled on me today for dinner huh.( haha,i know you'd read this so...BOO =x . ) oh well,nvm bah.we'll meet up some other time.(: ( hopefully ).haiii.i've got plenty of things coming up.shit,im wondering how to get them done.
> no one knows how much im hurting inside,breaking down bit by bit.that flaw ruined my whole life,im a dead person.i had to give up on the things i cared about,the only thing that kept me alive,left my soul pure,even for a bit.i dont want to imagine the future or what else may happen.im wondering if i'l become like what technically,i will be.i swear,i can jst,throw away my life any moment when i cant be strong any more.there's a limit to how much i can withstand,the pressure & everything else.i look at it,i cry.i hated myself,wishing it wasnt this way.i asked myself why,but no answer.maybe im no superhuman who can keep on holding on,putting on the facades &optimism for the sake of everyone.i need someone to be there for me,to catch me when i fall,someone i can trust to be there whenever i need,someone who will always be by my side helping,supporting me.i used to have someone like that,but i lost him.it feels so alone like this.fuck,my mind's messing with me.
jst scream,cry out in despair.let me breathe,please.
> i've got the urge to jst hug you,&cry loudly in your arms.to forget everything & feel secure even if its jst a second,to jst see you again.but i know,its not possible,anymore.not even in my dreams.
&I thought...Nevermind.
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