I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
suddenly,i have no mood to blog anymore.cancelled the huge major bitch fit fest i typed jst now.if anyone wants to know what happened,ask me personally.now,will jst put a few randoms up.
> you don't care,i definitely won't care,then we're all even.
> how sweet can this ending be.ha.ha.
> thanks to kailun & changxu & lin an for talking to me ytd. love love.
> lin an,thanks for that super long talk.yes i know that all of you are dead worried about me & really care for me & stuff.but dont worry,i'll be fine.im superwoman afterall.(:
> thanks alex,for never failing to cheer me up.you really very small boy eh.& why always i help you do smth,it gets posponed for a long time! RRAHHH. :[ eeeeyer,i dont like you,why send me that song =/ but nvm lah,still quite nice although you were supposed to send me HAPPY SONGS! haha,so dont worry,i still like you lah.lol -.- ( whoever is reading this,dont get the wrng idea. )
> you're jst a loserrrrr.
> i am really grateful for the friends i have.
> feeling at a loss of what to do,seems like im standing in the middle of nowhere with no aim.i dont know what im supposed to think,or feel.completely at a loss,very lost.i could jst drop dead anytime.this life is so fucked up at the moment that it was no fucking pt.
> short convo with ah gong.its been a long time.
> ...the past still clings on,a shadow overwhelming me.
> i still see scenes when i go bugis & parkway or even simply,jst walking past 4B in sch,or the staircase where we used to meet...etc.
> i guess i dont matter enough to you to make you feel you had to clear things with me.im jst nothing to you.completely zip,zero,nothing.let alone being a simple friend.
> haiyah,im jst driving myself nuts.
> been reading a friend's blog.she's going through the same feelings as me.& i feel really bad/worried for her cos i know how she's feeling.its jst that i've been coping with it for a long time & its slowly become a part of me, (unfortunately ).
> this emo depression thing had blended nicely into me,with my nature.
> always know the enemy.know who are your friends,who are not.oh,most impt,spot the hypocrites.
> some people are really nice,regardless of whatever rumours heard or their dao looks.they're jst misunderstood & not give a chance.& i had enough,hearing things about her,so people,shut your trap when you dont know her.i know how she feels & it really sucks,so shut up & mind your own buisness.thank you.
> ACES day workout.zzzzzzz'
> & you go easy easyyyyy~
> you wont get to see or feel the hurt/pain & tears that i've gone through,underneath this huge smiling plaster on my face.three cheers for that pt,that you're insensitive not to know. : DD
> yeah yeah,go ahead,turn the cards arnd to defend yourself or whatever you want.point fingers at me,im the guilty one.yeah,whatever you want to do to prove you're not wrng.listen,things are different now,& i dont give a fuck.
> i catch no shit about binomial thm or set word problems.
> & i catch not even a ball on physics and geog.
> love's beautifulllll.ah lalalaaaa~ (bullshit.)
> a lie to live
> i desperately need an illusion to hang on to for the moment before i really lose control and crash.fuck,i think im going mad,im losing my mind.
what can i say.i cant do anything.this all game is being directed by you.so yeah,go ahead and direct it in anyway you want.im jst stupid enough to have no choice but to follow your rules and play it your way.but hey,even newbies may overtake experienced player,so let's watch who'll emerge as in the winner in this oh-so-fun ignoring/denying/daoing/attitude game.i am game for it...(:
& it scares me when i know how much you mean to me,when i realise how much you still affect me after so long.we are leading totally different lives now,yet i cant let go of the past & everything /july 23.
goodbye,good luck wo de aiii.
; 谢谢你的结束
/在倔强的背后
'在微笑的背后
再见我的爱
再见我的爱
有什么借口
有什么理由
让你留在我心中
再见我的爱
再见我的爱
梦醒了之后
你转身就走
把我留在记忆中
&I thought...Nevermind.
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