I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
& then to people like..changxu,lin an,lifeng,kailunjielin,alex,irish,teng,tinghui,richny,donna,diane,rachel,vincent,jingyi,cynthia,
michelle aw,yanting,brian,sunny...etc.i thank you guys so much yeah,for giving me words of advice,trying to help,accompanying me,being there for me & cheering me up.oh,thanks junjie,for always making stupid jokes trying to make me laugh.(: thanks for bearing with me,understanding what im going through.lots of loveeeee.
i jst realised something.the sec 3 grp i usually hang out with,none of them knows anything im actually going through,or rather,none of them knows whats going on in my life anymore.lol.i cant complain,cos i dont know whats going on in theirs as well.even my many years best friend,doesnt confide anything in me now & somehow,i cant really talk to her about my stuff.maybe we jst need sometime to go out and really talk.or maybe,our cycle of problem has come again,the same old problem that we always have,which is damn stupid,but neverthless,very serious.ah welllll.but maybe im too sensitive lah,as usual.things still seem to be fine,for the moment.
hmm.to you.even though im sorry for flaring at you,showing you full attitude this past week,you havent been very nice either.morever,you started it first.i think im nice enough to have even tried/made an effort to make things right/better between us.people says its a misunderstanding between us.well,if it is so.why are you refusing to clear it up,so even try to make things right?this jst goes to show our friendship doesnt matter to you,that i,in full,jst totally doesnt mean a single shit to you.its alrighte,i get the pt.im not some clinging girl,so no,im not going to cling onto you & start crying all over & begging you,saying im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry over &over again.im sorry im jst not those kind.i've apologised twice first when it wasnt my fault,& thats the furtherst i will/can go.im not a bloody pushover.you're hard & stubborn,sorry,i am too.like alex said,if we contd to like that,confirm got fiery hot sparks being blasted and they'll get to witness a huge blast off/screaming/throwing match where emotions cant be held down.inwardly,i think he's right.our patience,i can see,is going short,like one of us any moment,is going to start screaming & shout " whats your fucking problem." to the other's place.heh,how predictable.but welll.i shouldnt worry too much,you started it,its your problem for any consequences that are not in your favour.ha ha.smile pretty boyyy.you are going down,down to hell.& i'll be smiling/waving at you from the top.this time,i wont let you get to me,i wont let you see me inside,see through me.no more of being vulnerable.its goodbye,little weiru,new era now,era of being a superwoman. ( right,tinghui. lol. )
to you.i guess we've drifted apart cos of the many times you've been here for me because of 23 & him.maybe you cant take it,the words & tears i said/shed over them,you watching me.im sorry.its either you're jst busy recently,or you jst want a break from the hurt you're feeling.but i trust you,really,so yeah,i dont blame you.jst hope time are fine for you there,work hard for you streaming this year yeah.im always here whenever you need me.(: im sorry,once again.but i still stand by this.you're the person always manages to put a smile back/on my face.always.but thats all...
to people who likes to talk/gossip/bitch about me.whoever you all are, ( some i dont even know they existed,& has absolutely zero connections with them )go spout whatever you all want,leave me out of it lah.what fucking buisness of it is yours?hmmm.
saw chuhong & weijin on tuesday.they came back to sch,for national day celebration.weijin looks like he jst came out for army.lol.(: havent seen them for the longest time & im glad to have seen them again.reminds me of alot of stuff.
> & jst look at what the fuck you've done to me.
> you're a meanie dylan : [
> shennnniieeeeee.bimbo! LOL.
> alcohol can make me high & really happy like everything's okay.i love that kind of feeling although it makes people see me like im on drugs or smth. -.-
> stacy my girl,we'll meet really soon.
> & SO WILL WE,CARINA,I SWEAR! (: <33333
> & so will us,the whole pri sch gang too : D
> jasmine was being called an ah lian by joshua.& jasmine started to whine/diao joshua.HAHA.
> weijie weijie weijie.a thousand sorries.nah,i think you've heard enough of it over the past....i dont know how many years.thanks for being the one & only person to know me fully and able to calm me & being there for me/helping me out so many times in REAL troubles. ( okay,maybe not the only one lah,ge also. )
> its jst that,the thing is,my ge is currently MIA.& actually its been a few months and i bloody hell,lost track of where the hell he is,and any news of him i ever had in the midst of all these troubles stirring up here.but i know he's having a hell of a time touring like & i envy him.but he'll get shit,as in REAL DEEP SHIT when he finally graces a star appearance to everyone,after MIA'ing for so long.he will get killed.dont fret,not only by me ^^
> funny how relationships can make such a huge impact on people.
> all of a sudden,i feel like booking a one way ticket to vienna or taipei.
> i miss the times in vienna,being alone with all the statues,museums,sceneries,food,music,traditional simple life....away from here.
> a life away/off from here.
> trina is such a monster. -.-
> vincent is currently in his SMU camp,with the "hot babes." my GEOGGGGGG. : [ ahh.well,till saturdayyy.
> common tests starting next tues.somehow,i cant feel the panic/pressure as it was during mye's.wierd.
> its as if the fear gene is permanently immuned.
> i swear my eye's water tap is spoiled.its leaking like crazy.& then,when it keeps on leaking,it slowly becomes to real tears that i cry.what the fuck.
HAIYAH.i am still very unstable.im sorry for my up & down emotions & trantums & stuff.really really sorry.exp to donna.btw,you cheer up too.(:
going to MOS tonight i guess.i expect there'll be a long queue tonight there,but with MEEEE around at the scene,there's no such thing as queue for me to get in.haha.(: haha,too badddddd,people.
& so,till then.<333
&I thought...Nevermind.
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