I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
okay.i suddenly have this pang of nostalgia,thinking bout stuff thats been rushing at me in a rush.& so im going to dedicate a small paragraph to a friend.
TINGHUI > haha,the love of my life : D even though we've known each other for a really short time,but she's quickly become of my really good friends ever.i love her alot and really really care for her. ( this is sounding les ) but anyways,even though i'll be leaving pretty soon,i know she will be on my mind quite constantly cos i tend to worry alot for her and stuff and i will miss her random hyper mood swings.lol.she's been there for me through that rough period of time when i was kicked from the house and everything,and even though we havent really been talking alot since the sep hols,but i know our friendship is still there,that i can still trust her no matter what.friends may drift but i know the trust is still there,that bond.& i believe both of us will catch up soon.i still rmbr the two times when i was out with her,how crazy it was,we jst kept walking and walking and walking,yakking away our stuff w/o paying much attention to where we actualy were or were heading.its like those kind of friendship where you can jst keep yakking about pratically anything w/o worrying or having reservations. i dont know....i jst took a liking to her personality and everything since i knew her and will,well,want to help her in whatever way i can and be there for her as a friend.i may be leaving,but one of the friends that i realy want to keep this bond with,is her,tinghui.cos its like,i know it's worth it.not like some other friendships that are based on hypocrisy and stuff.& so,i love her no matter whatever rumours that's been spreading cos its dumb.some of you dont even know her well enough to judge her.besides,i trust her.its the trust.no matter what,im not going to forget her. <3333
another person would be gerry gan.my first trainer,friend,adviser.he was the one who started my interest in filming first,teaching me the world of filming and giving me the basic opportunities to start with.he was the one who taught me to discover who i really wanted to be,where my path was going to lead to.during that period of time when i was away,he was the one who talked to me,relating his advices to his rough past and somehow,for the moment,i understood how he felt for my disaster and stuff.he showed me how different a person i could be,how we,humans,could have our own choice and our own lives,how it all depends on the different choices we make.even though he's constantly busy with his filming productions and work,i guess we'll be meeting up quite soon.thank you,gerry,for all the help you've given since the first i knew you last september.(:
sometimes i sit down& think.what are friends actually.how do you call a friend.how are you able to know that the person isnt secretly hating you inside,being irritated with you easily or whatsoever.you never know do you.whats a true friend.a true friend is someone who talks your faults with you,help you along to change.a true friend is someone who would talk to you and tell you that what you did was wrng,how you should change,to advise you and everything.a true friend would never get tired of your personality,or of your habits.a true friend wouldnt get tired of your constant depression or anything.a true friend would know when you're feeling sad or unhappy or you've got smth on your mind w/o you saying it.thats the damned definition of a true friend.for so many years,some of the friends i have,i've always thought they were my good or even best friends.now,how wrng i am.they cant fit into the description of a true friend.they talk behind my back,some secretly throwing hate vibes at me,some giving me attitude and getting irritated with me for no rhyme or reason,or either too easily.some jst cant stand me & are jst living on hypocrisy.im tired of all this fucking bullshit & i dont really give a damn anymore.i have seen true friends,not people like....you all.dont think you are who im referring to if you're not guilty.anyway,it refers to a range of people.
im happy to say i have true friends.they are tinghui,alex,changxu,karen,lifeng,irish,lin an,phylicia,teng,brian,sunny,peggy,stacy,laine,mitchell,jielin,carrie-ann & brandon.& thats all,only.one of my truest friend of all,would be goh weijia...& i cant explain what we went through in this 2 years plus of friendship and everything else.
okay,so world.i had enough.take this leave as a break for me.but true friendship nvr dies,so i wont worry.
today's loves go out to nicole,tinghui & lin an <33
&I thought...Nevermind.
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