I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
what nitwit started using that phrase as a fond farewell?take care?take care of what?my teeth?my cuticles?a pet gerbil?of course,a sane person would probably point out that these well-wishers simply want me to look out for myself in general.but even then,why?what the hell do they know that i dont?"you will be in danger tmr....take care!" i mean,how freaking demanding.why are they ordering me to take care of myself?if its social politeness they're after,won't it be nicer for them to offer to take care of me?
right.like that would happen.people would probably consider a wild sewer alligator more in need of concern.the real fact is.i need someone.i always did.in a way,snapping into reality was like yanking off a heavy,blinding helmet,allowing me to see how insane the world really is and how alone i really am.it's scary.lately,in my darkest moments,when i can feel the evil & despair crushing in from all directions,i've fantasized about being locked up somewhere,someplace whre i'd be safe.where others would have to look after me all the time.i've even envied those people stuck in institutions.yes,it's true.me,the supposed queen of all miss independents,actually dreamed of a rubber-room existence.it jst seemed so nice & simple.people bringing me meals,changing my bed,always talked in those hushed kindergarten teacher voices.i wouldn't have to go anywhere or do anything but watch 7th heaven reruns & make lan-yards.
but maybe i dont' need to go quite that far.maybe all i need is someone willing to look after me.someone who sees that im not all that strong &smiling as i seem.right now,i could use a lil guidance,a lil love &support.
& im thinking that someone could be you.
im in one absolute mess of a girl,damn.
okay,enough bullshit,today's 27th.
happy birthday allie : D <3 see you at the chalet laterrrrr.
chinese Olevel's on monday.
im having wierd dreams,really wierd.
im having trouble sleeping recently.
meet the parents w/ mrs lee chinese HOD on wednesday morning.shit.
retain? -.-
re-exams next next monday.
running back to sweet sweet taiwan on the 12th or 13th.(:
oh yes,congrats on your wedding fanny. =] wil be thereeee. love.
-you're the friend i thank the most,can't forget,yet don't want to think about.goodbye.
> & you're the big fat mistake.
&I thought...Nevermind.
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