I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
> damn,GUYS.
> ...you can't make use of my feelings to help you do favours &then treat me as nothing when you don't need my help.fucking asshole.
> im thinking more &more about it everyday.
> i promise we'll go get you a whole new wardrobe of clothes someday okay,weijia? (: lol.you &your sudden liking for shopping -.-
> sound of music.
> very,very...off color....
> thank you,lin an.for everything since i came back to sg. <3 stop worrying bout me,i wont' do stupid stuff.
> ...playing water at beach becomes suicidal -.- gah.
> ...it's jst different,get it.
> fucking jerk,stop being such an ignorant blind idiotic bastard.fuck.
> there's a limit to patience.
> mcflurry icecream! cheap &less calories huh,tinghui. (:
> my memory is deteoriating more &more by each second.its crazy.
> what the hell is wrng w/ me..
> if you any bit of a HEART,you wouldnt' be treating me this way.im not someone for you to look for only when you like,&then later throw aside like dirt.i dont have to answer to your calls & get lost when you ignore me.im not a dog either,fucking bastard.
> i miss those girls.
> whre d'you go,i miss you so.
> i would give anything...for everything to return to normal.please.
> yup,i will be fine. :D yes you're right lin an,im superwoman &you're only human.haha!
> nights w/o sleep at all.
> i look like a vamp,wtf.
> nicole,charlotte's web! :/
> sch reopening already.sec 4 :( nooooooooo.
> after erasing you from my life,who would ever believe that such a person like you had ever appeared in my life before.
> 5 glasses of 40 percent alchohol.
> wang zi,xiao jie & ao quan! omg omg omg.call me when you guys are here. <3
im like a fool who's too sure.
seriously.
im not going to be so stupid &blind anymore.
now that you're gone,
what's left of us is this...song.
> wu ke qun,ming tian guo hou.
23 stars,i doubt you fucking even rmbr.
&I thought...Nevermind.
> that baby dragon in ERAGON is sooo cute! (:
> yes,im still pretty pissed off w/ you.
> weijia,my icecream! :(
> sigh sigh SIGH.
> that disguistingly thick makeup was....ugh,yuck.
> what happens when you look into the mirror & all you saw was a reflection of someone who looks like you but...isn't you?
> lifeng,thank you.
> well...i guess i thought too much of you.
> tinghui,we will get through everything together.this isn't the first time right?we'll be fine. <3> yes,its easy to say but hard to accomplish.
> welcome back kaileun.(:
> oh yes,changxu's back tmr. : D
> we'll all be together this christmas.
> 123,mu tou ren.
> show me the truth.
> prove it,then.
> ...you all might as well be owls,can.zzzzz.
> what wrng w/ me?
> i look like a total mess.
> 23 stars,can you even rmbr,asshole.
> i miss those girls.exp...the girl who's still one of my best friends since pri sch.
> can you look me in the eye,&tell me that you're happy now.
> do i need a reason to cry?
> ...how so very ironic.
> a frenzy of madness.
> oh no no no,im not a girl,im a guy. ^^ haha.
> what all of us need in our lives,is a lil miracle that make us believe &have faith.
> fahrenheit! gahhh. : D
> i got my hopes high &had it crashed.how very stupid & careless of me.
> ...should have known better.
> HEHE. =x
> oh,have you fufilled your bitch quota for the day?
> there's a diff between past &present tense.
> you may be a world class pain in the butt,but usually you'd demonstrate at least a tablespoon of sanity.
> zero protection over the affairs of the heart.
SIGH.
&I thought...Nevermind.
again & again.i never do learn how to wake up,dammit.fuck,you're not supposed to matter to me at all,how did all this happen.how could i be so stupid to miss those signs,i should have been more careful.now....what the hell is this.i let myself fall into this familiar black hole over & over again.
no,i will be fine.i have to be.i am not going to let that stupid tragic cycle come back again,jst cos of YOU.you are not worth it.looks like you simply don't bother anymore.....guess i was the stupid fool who had her hopes high.
i dont know whats going on w/ me now.how could this have happened....fuck.i always never know what i've got till its gone.dammit.
if i cant stop the tears tonight,im afraid...i will fall into a frenzy of madness all over again..
im afraid.i might lose myself totally.....
> no,i can't afford letting myself crash.again.
&I thought...Nevermind.
i've missed alot of people.all of you,actually.exp tinghui,jonathan,lifeng,weijia & those girls.those girls im referring to are abby,nicole,imee,donna,jasmine,josephine,shearen.it amazes me even,but i really miss them alot.people like tinghui.i've been worried alot for her while i've been away,hoping she's okay.she's someone who never gave up on me no matter what happened & i love her alot that i refuse to watch her get hurt.people like weijia,i jst miss all the crap talk & stuff.haha. (: stupid guy,he left for shanghai ytd & i jst came back today-.- like jonathan.i've got too much to catch up w/ him,all those times i've pushed him away & stuff.as for lifeng,i miss the advice & company my lil bro always never fails to give me.
all this people.you mean alot to me.i know....i've angered some of you alot this year.some of you cant be bothered w/ me at all,saying that im not worth it & stuff.& things have been bad.but what im trying to say here is.im sorry.i miss everyone here.i miss all the times & everything before....i changed.maybe it's too late or maybe some of you think that im not worth it cos i will jst start my tragic cycle all over again.those pathetic self pitying actions.but no,its not.its not the same anymore.i hope my pt is being taken. <3
now,to you.you are a person i do not want to admit i miss alot.we havent been talking for arnd a mnth.you dont bother to reply or whatever.forget it.im pass all that.im tired.you're not worth it,not worth my time,not worth my thoughts,not worth....anything.i used to think...that you were different.but maybe,i was wrong.i see that now.
> mockery.
4h'07.its a new year.
throw away the past,its over.
&I thought...Nevermind.
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