I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
again & again.i never do learn how to wake up,dammit.fuck,you're not supposed to matter to me at all,how did all this happen.how could i be so stupid to miss those signs,i should have been more careful.now....what the hell is this.i let myself fall into this familiar black hole over & over again.
no,i will be fine.i have to be.i am not going to let that stupid tragic cycle come back again,jst cos of YOU.you are not worth it.looks like you simply don't bother anymore.....guess i was the stupid fool who had her hopes high.
i dont know whats going on w/ me now.how could this have happened....fuck.i always never know what i've got till its gone.dammit.
if i cant stop the tears tonight,im afraid...i will fall into a frenzy of madness all over again..
im afraid.i might lose myself totally.....
> no,i can't afford letting myself crash.again.
&I thought...Nevermind.
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