I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
Blogger keeps screwing up on me.Ah whatever,I've replied all tags on the tagboard already anyway.(:
I'm not some pai kia playful ah lian or airhead bimbo who does nothing except to talk on the phone,chat online,watch Tv,play,stay out late at night,go home only sleep/play&just don't give a fucking screw about her studies okay.
Mrs tan wants to see my parents next wk for parents day...great : ( Apparently she closes a blind eye to the fact my results for each subject is steadily rising,except for maybe,E maths lah.No effence againt you,but I just don't like maths as a while lah.Ah whatever,she even wants to talk to my parents&teach them how to monitor me.MONITOR WHAT BULLSHIT?!!It's not like i don't put in effort to study.
I've been driving myself literally crazy these few weeks to bring my grades back on track &to making my life slightly more stable/balanced.Wa lao : ( Sigh nvm,she doesnt really know me yet anyway,maybe after some time she'll finally realise how my brain works.
&SO NOW,I'M OFF TO STUDY/DO/PRACTISE AMATHS&EMATHS.
Don't say i simply dont try & jus give up on everything,&that my attitude sucks...etc.UNTRUE.I've always never failed to challenge myself day by day to achieve a higher standard. I will do better next term,i swear.Gonna clear all the messes during march hols & start out the next term in the right way.My life's going to be about nothing but just mugging on 0's,filming,piano & a few really good friends from now on.
...
Forget it.Mug people,mug hard!
Shit,i need sleep,badly. Very very drained.
This feeling of deperation crashing over me,all the emtiness within.
All you can do is watch &wonder whre thegirl you knew had gone,
&...Then you will realise that everything you did to me was wrong.
&I thought...Nevermind.