I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
Looks like I'm gonna break the whole supposedly hiatus thingy,but forget it.
I need to blog tonight cos I'm feeling so fucked up that I'll probally start blasting my usual really bad trantums in a moment or two.
I know this is a really bad time for emotions to be fluctutaing...but,well.
Impt Note : I suggest everyone to actually not read what I'm going to be blogging below actually.Exp Bgf ah gong ( If you happen to come across my blog again. )
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Seems like I haven't forgotten.
Somehow,the past still follows me around like a shadow,& I can't shake it off.
I've been having dreams & been thinking alot about the past,recently.
I'm sorry,but I have.
The past,that I thought I've forgotten a long long time ago.
Afterall,it's been a year plus to two since everything happened already.
It's been so long...yet unknowingly I'm still stuck onto old habits of listening repeatedly to songs like "The queen&the soldier" , "Blind",which holds a certain significant value to me.
I still do sit at the same place at Pw Mos alone,remembering.
Bugis elevator,toriQ,charlie & the chocolate factory & many other things.
Opened the box yesterday.
Read that letter you wrote,dated one & a half year back.
Cried.
...& cried.
Somehow,the pain feels so real&so deep inside,like as though it's only yesterday that you left.
& the images of us in the past keeps replaying in my eyes.
The way you made me feel...
I never felt quite the same way as I did with you after that all this time.
July 23,11.45 pm.
...
This just wouldn't do.
I can't.
Ouch.
&I thought...Nevermind.