I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
& So we're dropping the whole project cos there are hitches here & there in the script & we're all brainstuck.It's no one's fault cos even if we did continue,the film is probably going to suck cos we're all seeing it as a burden,a task to get it over & done with asap.Which is not the way.Film doesnt deserve to be treated this way,& I guess in a way we shouldnt abuse it.
It's not about the piorites or the committment at all.
That's all just bloody excuses.
I just dont see the passion,that simple.
The drive is gone,the love for film is missing,the motivation we all need is not there.Everything's going the wrong way,this isn't supposed to be something that's so...stressing.So why continue?I know you all think that I'm pissed or unhappy with it.The fact is I'm not.Yes,I was pissed yesterday cos I just left for toilet like a few minutes & when I came back,I get this bombshell.Try being in my shoes & you will know how upset you would be,& there's the feeling of like,conspiracy.I suppose I was selfish in a way earlier,cos I was upset that this whole film thing is to be dropped just like that,when it might be the last chance I might ever get to do film again.Filming,the thing that isn't just a hobby for me,it's an attachment,it's inside me cos it makes me feel alive.It's something I really love to do that comes from the heart,it's not a 'work'.But i know (as gerry pointed it out), that film is like an open book,something full of emotions& life,it can't be forced or it'll suck.It'll be a sin to confine something so natural & real,even if we hang ourselves a thousand times over & over again,it just wouldn't do.Anyway you get my whole pt.
...Whatever.
I'm fine now cos I think since its going to suck even if we do it,so I suppose it's better to drop it now.Dont mind me,I'm just highly disappointed.
It's just a difference in ideology & passion.
& Now,give it all for prelims & O'levels cos that's all we have left.
As for me,since this connection to film is being forsaken,I'll be retreating from this world permanently into a world of my own & just me only with my own piorities.
...So good luck,&hope we're all still alive when we see each other again after O's.(:
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Sorry that I snapped at you last night & thank you for being understanding. (Jian)
Sorry Lifeng,that Im not in the mood today to go out or anything...but I promise that I'll get a day out free for you this hols k.
Thank you for hearing me rant rubbish just so I could let out my fustration last night. (Jasmine.)
&I thought...Nevermind.
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