I let myself believe this was possible.
That it was,in fact,already happening.
But I'm not going to fret over the stupidity of believing.
Wouldn't that just be a waste of psychic energy?
Another excuse to engage in an endless cycle of negativity?
Experts in the field of human behaviour,
would agree that my will to believe was not a sign of stupidity.
Experts would agree that my will to believe was a sure sign of INSANITY.
...&It was that wretched,misguiding,leechlike parasite called hope.
I guess we had our fair share of quarrels,bitching & stuff throughout this secondary school years.Primary school.....well.That's a different thing haha.Sec one we were fine,sec 2 was a bad year for us in the first half and then sec 3 was pretty bad at second half year and this year was fine except that minor thing about the script.Thinking back,half the time we quarrelled because I couldn't see and understand how much you cared for me,in your own way.I expected too much I guess and had felt neglected.Only after that whole cold war end of last year plus my "skipping" groups thing that I learned quite a few things about the world& people in general.
I do care about you alot and you're one of the few rare ones I would want to keep in contact like 20 years down the road (seems hard but yeah!) Haha.I can't thank you enough for the time you had put aside for me,how you always advised me (even though I'm still pretty stubborn). You know that confidence was one of the things I lacked of and when almost everyone believed I won't be able to do it,you didn't give up on me.& when I do fail,you'd still reassure me that things would be better when others start to whisper nasty stuff already.It's like just simple trust and the fact that we don't really have to talk about our feelings to understand what the other is feeling.Like....the mutual thing where we can tell when the other is not okay even without saying anything at all.Somtimes I feel like I'm not really sure of what you're going through maybe cos I'm covered by the pressure of my own stuff.
However I hope you know that I will and always have been,will be here for you.Whenever you need me,you know that you can talk to me anytime regardless whether you think I'm already under strain or not.Cos you know that I would feel better if you talked to me rather than you kept it to yourself,it would make me feel much worse.I'm sorry for all the times where you needed someone but cos I was too cropped up in my things as well to listen or be there.If some things are meant to be forgotten then let go.Don't brood over it k?I know its hard but you know you have to hold on.Either way,take care dear.It's the last lap already,& remember we've got taiwan shopping to look forward to plus sleepover at your house after O's! : D You may never believe it but you'll do fine I promise.You just think you won't do fine cos you're not studying as hard as some people are -.- But ah,don't you know that some people have a flair while some others don't?So,don't stress & take it easy.We're all in this together & I'll be just beside you all the way till the end of your hmt exam haha! (:
Geog test was okay today,actually I found the qns easy except that I really had no time to finish.I lost about.....i have no idea how many marks shit -.- Sigh ms yap is going to be disappointed again & I hate disappointing her.Oh,I think she & tan kee hoe's conversations & communication is super super superrrrrr cute & hilarious.The number of times I got embarassed o.0 Ah well.
The stupid school keeps holding us back until so late everyday now & english tmr until 4.30?!!! Which usually wednesdays we finish at 2 promptly.Wlao.& there is prelim A maths mock test on thursday which I dont want to think about,Urgh.
Wilberg is being funny now -.- Idiot lol.
__________________________________________________________________________
After all this time,I remember everything so clearly still.
23 stars,2nd July 06'.
Queensway,5th September 06'.
Butterflies& macs hot milo,13th October 06'.
Esplanade,6th January 07'.
Square2,April 29 07'.
Necklace,26th May 07'.
City hall,11th June 07'.
Aljunied,
17th June 07'.Just nothing more than strangers.
I'm sorry I was such a bitch that time,maybe I was too harsh to you.But I guess it was for a better cause.I have my reasons.
There was just too many reasons & obstacles hindering out way,that's why we couldn't work out.
Just so you know...you were the only guy after July 23 that I really cared about,deeper than you would ever think I would.
You've moved on now I can see that.
There's no pt for me to hold on anymore.
No wait,I guess I'm in no place to anyway,to even care for you as a friend.
There's nothing left between us.
...
Take care.
I guess I confused my feelings with the truth,
because I liked the view when there was me & you.
& now I'm just left with all the used to be's.
I miss you.
& sometimes,I would fall asleep only in hopes of dreaming to return to the time when I was your piority still.Only then,could the past memories flow back & I could disillusion myself even for a moment to make me feel better,that you're still here with me...to believe that you really cared.
&I thought...Nevermind.
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